crescentview | Fall Catchall

( He hands it off! It's a hand-packed meal, with a lot of veggies and meats. It's sized for two people. It is not too bad; exceptionally nutritious, and kind of has flavor. He's learning how to make things taste good. )

As thanks, in general, and for our talk the other day, I suppose. Hopefully it's to your liking; and Otegine's, for being thoughtful.

( AKA for Otegine keeping Adelis in mind at the auction. )

[Oh... well this is not the house of picky eaters so it's accepted with a smile before he goes to set it on the table.] I'll be certain to pass along the gratitude when he returns. Thank you.

[He looks over his shoulder nach to Mishka.] You came for something else as well?

Mm.

( He does the certified Rogue Lean (TM) against the wall. )

I presume you'll keep the specifics vague, but I must ask: has Adelis seemed at all less hungry lately, or about the same, in your assessment?

[Syrlya pauses, turning to face Mishka properly as he leans back against the table.]

I don't have a lot of data to give an assessment, honestly. It's only been a week, so I suppose about the same as that time? I presume his state was much worse when this occurred.

( Hm. He expected this, but. Adelis... )

... Suggest that he make use of the trinket I sent him via letter, if you would; it will reduce his hunger. While I assume he refrains because I signed my name under it, it was a condition I promised to the Goddess for its exchange.

( So, no helping that he put his name on it, but he doesn't seem happy that he had to. )

His choices are to indulge or starve, and then be driven to a feeding frenzy. I cannot be watching him all the time, or I will be driven to intervene.

( Forced not to stalk (much)... Tragic... )

Edited 2023-02-06 21:16 (UTC)

Trinket? [Obviously he hasn't heard about this yet.]

... Isn't that still some manner of intervening? You're assuming he must not be using this trinket because it came from you got that reason, right?

It is in a necessary capacity. I do not exactly intend to ignore him simply because he is angry with me.

[Syrlya folds his arms.] You know, he wouldn't be so angry with you and you wouldn't have to try and act behind his back if you did not purposefully prod him and then drive him away.

Really? I had no idea.

( He knows, they've talked about this!! )

He isn't going to be pleased with me even if I offer him my head; I suspect it will take some time to even things, if it is at all possible. But I will not sit idly until that resolves, yes?

[Syrlya fixes him with a flat look.] That ispart of the problem, you know.

[That Mishka will dig a deeper hole and then disregard Adelis' autonomy in the relationship. He worries over his lip for a moment, considering his wording carefully for what he doesn't want to let slip.]

You need to have more faith in him. He cares a great deal about the people around him even if he is loathe to admit it. He is aware of the state he's in and aware that he does not want to cross a line that would actually wound anyone.

You saw something in him once, at least. You should know that strength hasn't left him. There is no need to treat him as though he is incapable of managing himself... not just in regards to being a Dhampir.

You seem to think that offering some semblance of care for him is thinking him incapable. Do you believe that my offering you food is because I think you're unable to fetch some for yourself? Really, now.

( He knows Syrlya doesn't think that, obviously, so: )

I understand you are pleased to leap to his defense as his friend, and I respect this. But see that your love for him does not cause you to disregard your good sense. If there is no further progress to be made on the topic, then I believe we can leave it.

[Syrlya rolls his eyes.] Of course I don't think that. But this is also something you did withut discussing with him, isn't it?

[He unfolds one arm to point at Mishka.] Your manner of showing you care has been to undermine Adelis' own autonomy in life, seemingly because you don't trust him to be able to do right by himself. But he isn't a child, and your inability to trust him will only drive a wedge further between the two of you.

[And he moves his arm back into place.] I don't say it lightly that you don't give him enough credit. But if he is disinclined to prove it to you, then I am in no place to spill his secrets.

( Don't point at me young man :/ smh

A beat. )

Then I am glad to know he is happy to prove it to you, instead. I am already aware he has outgrown me. If his sincere wish is to be so wholly independent, then I suppose that is his choice to make.

( aka die then-- jk. Since apparently Adelis has nothing to prove to him and Mishka is pushing him away anyway. )

[Syrlya stares at Mishka for a long moment, trying to determine how much of his denseness is genuine.]

... Are you unwilling to let you relationship evolve to that of equals instead of persisting as his mentor? Just because he has outgrown the need for your authority does not mean he has wanted you out of his life as Mishka, a person he cares about greatly.

( It's called very specifically avoiding the subject, and it's his favorite pasttime. )

You don't think I would have pursued this avenue if this was my desire? You think so little of me, Syrlya.

Edited 2023-02-06 23:29 (UTC)

Well, I base my opinion on your behavior. [Mishka paints a poor portrait of Mishka.]

... And I think you know better than you let on why your actions continue to offend and hurt Adelis.

( That Mishka do. Case in point: )

I wouldn't have said them if I didn't think they would hurt.

( Mm. )

But this is the kind of person I am. I am made of rot and grime, and I am inclined toward dishonesty and violence. He is, as you've highlighted, a much better person than his tongue makes him out to be. Though he may be attached to me, I cannot comfortably say I am good for him.

And yet, I know that you are capable of being better for him than you have been. If this place is all the time you have left--do you really want this to be the last impression he has of you?

( A beat. It's a sentiment he's heard echoed at least thrice now, and it's getting increasingly harder to ignore.

But admitting the heart of the problem is very difficult when you're made of survival and pride. Though he acts generally sociable, his roots are just as badly affected by Ostoya's soil as Adelis's. )

... I already am aware he's not going to accept an apology, nor is he going to be satisfied by a change in behavior.

( Which isn't the problem. Those are excuses. The problem is he can identify wrongs just fine, but fixing them? (When he rejects his own feelings, in general, whether romantic or not?) )

I can certainly attempt those things. But what recourse is there when it fails?

Edited 2023-02-07 00:21 (UTC)

Well, don't go in expecting to fail to start. [He loosens his arms, gripping the last of the table as he adjusts his lean.] I don't think you have broken things beyond repair with him yet. [Yet.] So... try being honest. Try listening to him, and trust him not just with himself, but with you as well.

From what I've heard of Ostoya, trust in a place like that is in short supply... but you have a chance, here, to live differently. The world will not gouge you for every vulnerability.

( doubt (x)

But he does know by now Crescent View is... a much nicer place. Even the people here, at their absolute worst, are far milder than is typical of Ostoya. It's hard to break the habit of how you've lived thus far when it's those habits that kept you alive. )

... Another person is a heavy burden to bear; myself, moreso, even if I were to find a way to trust him with it. He ought shrug me off.

( ... )

... Perhaps I simply want him to find someone worth him. ( Little a Trahearne moment... ) I do not know if it is best for him if I'm the one who grows attached.

( If he learns to lean on him, be vulnerable with him... That's a gateway to all kinds of terrible things that might not be for Adelis's best. )

[Syrlya hums.] You aren't wrong about that--we are the heaviest burden to each other. That's why we often lean on more than just one person, lest we grind them into dust with our weight.

[Which is not what Syrlya does, which is keep it all stuffed deep inside his chest until it overflows and he has to pour out a little so he can squeeze the cap back on. But this ain't about him.]

But, as I said, try to have faith in him. In his strength and his ability to draw a line... and in him finding friends that will still support him in those times that you cannot.

( Syrlya....... )

... Well, I suppose that's true enough. He's done it once already, in the past.

( Having friends plural, he means. He's not too clear on Adelis's friendgroup here besides, like, Syrlya, and then the other people Adelis arguably tolerates the existence of. Then again, tolerating people is a big thing for Adelis, so. )

Well, I simply hope that I should be here to see it. I am only impatient, I suppose, but I am glad you are there to argue for him.

Does that matter a lot to you? [Arguing on Adelis' behalf. Well, actually, given his current track record...] I can't force Adelis into anything he doesn't want, nor can I bridge the gap between you two.

I just think that neither of you will be happier continuing to tear apart your relationship. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging you to fix things if I thought your presence was worse off for him.

I do like those who do right by Adelis.

( A simple answer, for once. )

... Still, I'll keep that in mind.

( If there's one thing he can be certain of, it's that if Syrlya is saying it, he means it. )

Ah, perhaps topical. I've asked the Goddess if a wish can be exchanged to tether one deceased or compromised to life as they are. She said it is possible. This is good news for you and yours, yes? I intend to tell Trahearne when I next see him; I think it should improve his mood.

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