( A beat. It's a sentiment he's heard echoed at least thrice now, and it's getting increasingly harder to ignore.

But admitting the heart of the problem is very difficult when you're made of survival and pride. Though he acts generally sociable, his roots are just as badly affected by Ostoya's soil as Adelis's. )

... I already am aware he's not going to accept an apology, nor is he going to be satisfied by a change in behavior.

( Which isn't the problem. Those are excuses. The problem is he can identify wrongs just fine, but fixing them? (When he rejects his own feelings, in general, whether romantic or not?) )

I can certainly attempt those things. But what recourse is there when it fails?

( doubt (x)

But he does know by now Crescent View is... a much nicer place. Even the people here, at their absolute worst, are far milder than is typical of Ostoya. It's hard to break the habit of how you've lived thus far when it's those habits that kept you alive. )

... Another person is a heavy burden to bear; myself, moreso, even if I were to find a way to trust him with it. He ought shrug me off.

( ... )

... Perhaps I simply want him to find someone worth him. ( Little a Trahearne moment... ) I do not know if it is best for him if I'm the one who grows attached.

( If he learns to lean on him, be vulnerable with him... That's a gateway to all kinds of terrible things that might not be for Adelis's best. )

( Syrlya....... )

... Well, I suppose that's true enough. He's done it once already, in the past.

( Having friends plural, he means. He's not too clear on Adelis's friendgroup here besides, like, Syrlya, and then the other people Adelis arguably tolerates the existence of. Then again, tolerating people is a big thing for Adelis, so. )

Well, I simply hope that I should be here to see it. I am only impatient, I suppose, but I am glad you are there to argue for him.

I do like those who do right by Adelis.

( A simple answer, for once. )

... Still, I'll keep that in mind.

( If there's one thing he can be certain of, it's that if Syrlya is saying it, he means it. )

Ah, perhaps topical. I've asked the Goddess if a wish can be exchanged to tether one deceased or compromised to life as they are. She said it is possible. This is good news for you and yours, yes? I intend to tell Trahearne when I next see him; I think it should improve his mood.

She wouldn't grant me more when I probed. Just that you may stay alive, wherever you might go. I may not see full use of it, but...

( How does that work with different canonpoints, or re-entering a world in which you died? He hasn't the slightest idea. But if she swears by it, then... all they can do is trust it, or doubt. )

In any case, I know someone who claimed he wished for similar, and he indicated it was a wish granted. So there is that.

Wishes are not for the satisfied, but for the desperate.

( For people like Trahearne, and himself, in other words. Only people in awful need would sign without knowing the fine print. )

Are you keen on remaining here, then?

( ... )

... I don't know if this is a possible thing, but, if it could be arranged... If your home is better than Ostoya in nature, would you consider sheltering Adelis? Perhaps if he is able to spend a wish on it, or consents to a wish used on his behalf.

( Since he can't just make request for Adelis for Some Reason? Adelis has to agree to it??? )

I think he will be lonely without you.

( What ?

Okay, hold on, he needs to put a lore pin in that. Firstly, )

I'm flattered by the offer. ( Genuinely. ) As it is, however, I will no longer be myself in a short while, so it will not do me much good to wish that I remain alive.

( You know, casually. )

I would be comfortable using my wish on Adelis, instead, to free up the other one he may have; perhaps to revert his current condition, if he so chooses.

( Clearly he had intended to brush past the topic, but... He did mention it, so he isn't exactly trying to hide it, either. )

... So it seems. She reset my body to what it was some time before the curse took hold of me, and it was still for a week or two before it began again to progress.

( Hence his impatience with all these Adelis things. )

Well, if I cannot find a way to solve the matter, I will see that there is someone able to kill me or seal me when it occurs.

( The gesture, and the sympathy, gives him pause. He does not stop it, but he regards it like a wild animal with a friendly hand set upon it— not with hostility, but with a sense of uncertainty.

There is a part of him that refutes the sympathy, as if it were condescension, or pity. Still, a part of him, the part of him that grew a little traveling with his band of hired hands, recognizes the gesture as a form of connection.

It isn't comfortable, and it isn't easy to accept. Isolation will always be that much easier than brushing up against the jagged edges of another, but.

In the end, he supposes he appreciates the sentiment. )

... Do you recall when we first met, and I told you of my condition?

( It has been fun in some way, explaining what it is with his insects to those who are intrigued and not necessarily repulsed or afraid. )

All things decay. I was meant to decay faster than some others, when I was very young. But I am pleased I lasted as long as I have, and... though my years as myself were cut short by my own hand, ( because he released the curse, ) I prefer it to knowing I let Duke Koshevek have him.

( This, at least, he can say with pride. He lasted a very long time for one with his condition, for an Ostoyan, even, and though he wants terribly to live, more than anything... If he had entered this reverie, Crescent View, knowing he had spared himself and let Adelis stay... he doesn't think his pride would suffer him to live for such cowardice. )

( That earns a bit of a laugh from Mishka— the bit about pessimism. )

I never used to be so concerned about it before. ( Like, obviously, he cared about staying alive, but single-minded survivalism is very different than regret, worry, and... ) But staying around people so much makes a person sentimental. It's strange.

( Strange and uncomfortable, and often he resents it, but he's figuring it out, for better or worse. )

At present, I'm seeing Ellis on the daily, if you've met him. He's a power that forces the progress to reset slightly with every application. I also intend to speak with the Goddess to see if she will take the offering for a favor to regulate matters, but... I'm unclear if it is within her power. She speaks as if it is, but I don't see much sense in holding my breath.

( He rests a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing the brand there in idle thought. )

I know of some who said they work with curses in their home, but I haven't a sense of if they've regained those powers, yet. Still, I'll likely make a house call and see if there's changes on that front.

( So he's been peeking into several leads... No solution yet, but. He's preparing for failure, but still trying. )

He calls it stabilization; he returns things to their neutral state, to my best understanding. Temperaments, health, and, as it turns out, curses. It only lasts so long as you're within his vicinity, but it has been a great asset. I would have been a beast a week or two ago already without it.

( Is that an accurate assessment? He won't say. But his aid cannot be understated, in his opinion. )

I don't think there's any curing me, but if I can weaken its grip on my mind enough to remain as myself... Well, I'll be quite ugly once I turn, but I'd still be me. I think that's the best anyone can hope for.

( He will miss this body he's grown used to, but, as long as his mind is intact... Beggars can't be choosers, really. )